A Language for Better Bedroom Communication

“Understanding what language we speak in terms of our love language can empower us to know what turns us on before even getting into the bedroom.”

The “The 5 Love Languages,” written by Dr. Gary Chapman, was published in the late ’90s. Chapman studied linguistics, which led him to develop the concept that individuals speak different “love languages” in their relationships.

After studying relationships for years, he discovered that many couples in turmoil could benefit from understanding their partner’s specific love language—they could become more conscious and aware of each other’s needs on a day-to-day basis.

“Love can be expressed and received in all five languages,” he explains. “However, if you don’t speak a person’s primary love language, that person will not feel loved, even though you may be speaking the other four.”

Each love language has its own “needs” that, when not perceived by a partner, can cause misunderstandings or resentment in a relationship. Chapman explains that “once you are speaking his or her primary love language fluently, then you can sprinkle in the other four and they will be like icing on the cake.”

Identifying with your partner’s love language can also make a significant impact on sex and intimacy. Because sex is such a purely physical and instinctual act, we don’t often focus on how we “speak” our own profound sexual language. However, understanding our love language can empower us to know what we seek from intimate moments with our partner.