Sexual Innovation
Means Sexual Liberation

Even a decade ago, owning a pleasure device of any kind felt slightly shameful. It was as though it was a secret to be hidden away, in our most private drawer only to be seen on dark lonely nights (or maybe this was just my experience). This feeling was in part due to how sex toys were manufactured to be blatantly realistic and obnoxiously large. Let’s just say before the 90s, vibrators were not discrete—or cute, for that matter.

As we continue to shift our cultural narratives surrounding sexuality, we are able to propel a ripple effect throughout the industries dedicated to catering to our sexual desires. The pleasure toy industry has been slowly but surely shifting alongside us toward the prioritization of women’s pleasure along with innovations for transgender pleasure as well. There is an emphasis on innovative, anatomically-driven designs and celebrating women designers who are modernizing the industry. They are helping us to comfortably explore our sexuality and desires without feeling shame or that there is a one-size-fits-all approach.

Below are some of the leading pleasure brands started mainly by women founders who are leading the industry into a new frontier of empowerment and liberation.

What does it mean to feel sexy? 

From a young age, I felt comfortable in my body. I genuinely enjoyed developing into a woman. The changes my body went through—growing breasts and body hair, developing awareness about my body and the world around me—were fascinating. This fascination allowed me to also feel comfortable in my sexuality. My love for boys became quite apparent at age 12, but that’s a story for a different day.

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“As my body developed, I heard whispers from peers about what “the guys liked” or found to be “sexy.” I, too, wanted to make the boys notice me.”

As my body developed, I heard whispers from peers about what “the guys liked” or found to be “sexy.” I, too, wanted to make the boys notice me. I started shaving my whole body the minute darker, coarser hair began to grow. I begged my mom to let me wear a bra before I even had breasts. I discovered black eyeliner and became obsessed with wearing a lot of it. When trying on my clothing, I suddenly noticed my behind and sought to find jeans that complimented it. Though much of what I wanted to wear/do required the pre-approval of my parents, I was lucky to have parents who allowed me to express myself. Looking back, these gestures were fun and helped me identify what made me feel “sexy.”

However, now that I am a married adult woman, when I reflect on those years of exploring my sexuality, I see so much was within the realm of societal standards—specifically, the messages directed at young women claiming we need to act a certain way to be attractive. Received during crucial years of growth, there is no doubt these messages confuse our ability to be totally in control of our bodies and sexuality. 

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“…When I reflect on those years of exploring my sexuality, I see so much was within the realm of societal standards—specifically, the messages directed at young women claiming we need to act a certain way to be attractive.”

Emily Nagoski writes about this in her book, “Come As You Are.” She explains, 

“The day you were born, the world had a choice about what to teach you about your body. It could have taught you to live with confidence and joy inside your body. It could have taught you that your body and your sexuality are beautiful gifts. 

But instead, the world taught you to feel critical of and dissatisfied with your sexuality and your body. You were taught to value and expect something from your sexuality that does not match what your sexuality actually is. You were told a story about what would happen in your sexual life, and that story was false.”

This story goes for the boys we were trying to impress as well—they had no idea what they wanted, either. They were just like us, trying to do the things society told them was what we wanted. All the while, we just wanted to hold hands and experience our first kiss. 

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“There is so much more to feeling sexy than wearing tiny lace garments.”

Today, I refuse to let those old societal standards define how I show up as a sexual being. While I remain a huge fan of lingerie and sweet silk nighties (because they make me genuinely feel good), there is so much more to feeling sexy than wearing tiny lace garments.

Below are some of the ways I listen to my intuition and the feminine voice that resides deep within. These practices make me feel completely and utterly sexy—without the silk and lace. 

I Feel Sexy Through Movement

I credit my 18 years on a competitive dance team to feeling sexy when I move. Movement is not just reserved for dance; I feel completely in my body when practicing yoga, running, and even simply walking. I absolutely love dancing in my kitchen while I cook. The nights I find myself able to find release through movement are the nights I feel most powerful and connected to my internal light. 

Finding time to give yourself free, uninterrupted movement boosts serotonin, which in turn boosts mood and sexual desire. If I am experiencing low libido, I make it a point to do yoga or dance in my kitchen. My partner and I also love to dance together and will go on dancing dates. Moving to music together connects us in an out-of-the-bedroom kind of way. 

I Feel Sexy When Expressing My Personal Style

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“Our unique style is a form of expression, and we should wear whatever it is that makes us feel good in our bodies.”

As I mentioned, I found that I could express my sexuality through clothing (I thought skinny jeans were the key to impressing the boys). As my style has evolved, I love to dress up and wear clothes that flatter my body-type and make me feel good about myself. I no longer feel the pressure to dress in a way that may be sexually appealing; rather, I’ve developed my own sense of style that is for me alone. 

Our unique style is a form of expression, and we should wear whatever it is that makes us feel good in our bodies. For example, I love my waistline, so I wear high-waisted pants to highlight it. My best friend loves her cleavage and wears plunging necklines because she is proud of her feminine figure.

I Feel Sexy When Traveling and Going on Adventures

One of my favorite things is going on adventures, even if just for quick weekend getaways with my husband or friends. There is a sensuality for me when exploring and trying new things.

My adventures are typically focused on being in nature, which helps me feel present and connected to the world around me. This connection ignites a flame in me, reminding me of my raw existence in this world. When I haven’t gone on an adventure in a while, I start to feel stagnant, which affects me sexually.

Travel can happen at home—you don’t have to physically leave to experience the joy of adventure. I love a staycation to get outside of my routine. Find ways to explore the world around you by traveling, hiking, or exploring new parts of the city you live in as a way to spark curiosity.

I Feel Sexy When Achieving My Goals

Ambition is sexy! Not only do I feel confident and proud of myself when I achieve my goals, but I find it attractive to see the ones I love doing the things that bring them joy and success. My partner and I enjoy setting goals together, and we encourage each other in our pursuits. When I am proud of myself, I feel relaxed and aligned—to myself, to my body, and to my pursuits. 

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“When I am proud of myself, I feel relaxed and aligned—to myself, to my body, and to my pursuits.”

You can also practice finding ways to feel proud of yourself by setting goals that honor where you’re at in your life. Remove pressure to get things done, and instead embrace what brings you true joy and wholeness. 

There is a world that becomes awakened when we allow ourselves to listen to our intuition and the voice deep within. This voice guides us to peace with ourselves, outside of what society asks us to be. Finding simple joys that connect us to ourselves creates alignment within our bodies. It opens up to new ways of viewing our sexuality—ways that aren’t limited to wearing lingerie.

What makes you feel sexy and confident? Share in the comments below!

 Natural & Organic Beauty Bloggers

If you are drawn to simple, natural beauty products and looking for inspiration to “green” your beauty routine, these 7 natural and organic beauty bloggers have a way of simplifying the complex ingredients and products that make up the beauty world. Their product reviews, how-tos, tips, and insights are invaluable when it comes to navigating all things natural beauty. Let us know if we missed your favorites!

Looking to green your whole beauty routine? Check out our brand roundups for the best natural makeup and organic skincare!

Clean Up Your Beauty Routine

One of the biggest hurdles we face when it comes to making more conscious purchasing choices is having the time to research brands, ingredients, production-practices, etc.—and when it comes to natural beauty, finding products that don’t disrupt our skin. Fortunately, there are many trusted one-stop-shops that do the searching for us!

Since our skin absorbs so much of what we put on it, shouldn’t we be more intentional with the products we use? From cruelty-free to nontoxic ingredients, these clean beauty shops offer a wide variety of options at every price point, and for every skin type.

If you’re looking for a new brand to clean up your beauty routine, check out our guides to organic skincare and natural makeup!

A Language for Better Bedroom Communication

“Understanding what language we speak in terms of our love language can empower us to know what turns us on before even getting into the bedroom.”

The “The 5 Love Languages,” written by Dr. Gary Chapman, was published in the late ’90s. Chapman studied linguistics, which led him to develop the concept that individuals speak different “love languages” in their relationships.

After studying relationships for years, he discovered that many couples in turmoil could benefit from understanding their partner’s specific love language—they could become more conscious and aware of each other’s needs on a day-to-day basis.

“Love can be expressed and received in all five languages,” he explains. “However, if you don’t speak a person’s primary love language, that person will not feel loved, even though you may be speaking the other four.”

Each love language has its own “needs” that, when not perceived by a partner, can cause misunderstandings or resentment in a relationship. Chapman explains that “once you are speaking his or her primary love language fluently, then you can sprinkle in the other four and they will be like icing on the cake.”

Identifying with your partner’s love language can also make a significant impact on sex and intimacy. Because sex is such a purely physical and instinctual act, we don’t often focus on how we “speak” our own profound sexual language. However, understanding our love language can empower us to know what we seek from intimate moments with our partner.

How to Be Creative in an Era of Excess Consumption

It was the end of my first semester in grad school. I anxiously paced around my studio apartment, struggling to sit at my desk any longer. Books were strewn about the floor. Some rested half-open on the bed while others were stacked like Jenga blocks on the table. The stories—like my thoughts—blurred together, and I couldn’t remember who wrote what anymore. Which author braided tenses throughout the chapters? Who was it that wrote about place like it was a character? I picked up a book, skimmed a few pages, and then tossed it aside. It’s not that I couldn’t remember anything, the problem was I remembered too much. 

Like an electrical circuit, my brain was shorting from the overload of information. In my eager pursuit to learn everything about nonfiction writing during that semester, I’d consumed as many memoirs I could get my hands on. I’d read and read and read, never slowing down enough to chew on the content I was consuming. Instead, I’d scarfed it. When it came time to write, I couldn’t find my voice. It was submerged in a sea of other stories. 

“Like the old saying goes, ‘You are what you eat’—or in this case, ‘I am what I consume.’”

I’ve since learned my lesson. Whether it’s books and podcasts or tabloids and reality TV, I’ve discovered that content influences me and my work, especially when binged or consumed in excess portions. Like the old saying goes, “You are what you eat”—or in this case, “I am what I consume.”

Developing a nutritious media diet is easier said than done (especially in a screen-ruled era), which is why I’ve developed a list of guidelines to keep me on track. These principles remind me to consume content with intention and purpose. I hope it can help you, too. May we all choose slow content that sparks inspiration and cultivates our creativity—because, if you didn’t know, we all have creative energies living inside us.

“Developing a nutritious media diet is easier said than done (especially in a screen-ruled era), which is why I’ve developed a list of guidelines to keep me on track.”

1. Slow consumption (way) down.

Becoming an expert at our craft doesn’t mean embarking on an exhaustive research expedition. Too much consumption is overwhelming and can harm the creative process. Yes, content is necessary and worthwhile, but it can also ‘clog’ our brains. Slow consumption allows us to protect our voices while learning, whereas overconsumption means potentially losing our creative identities to the works of others.

2. Consume the content you want to create.

Choose nutritious content that serves you and your craft. If you want to write a book, read books by the very best in your genre (just don’t follow my example by trying to read all of them). Likewise, if you want to paint, study those who’ve come before you. And if you want to play music—well, you know what to do. Content should help (not hinder) our projects and endeavors.

3. Choose active content consumption.

I’m trying to be more aggressive about resisting passive content consumption—e.g., turning on the TV or radio because I’m bored. I’ve noticed that, when engaging in passive consumption, the quality of my content is far from ideal (think: too much reality TV and YouTube wormholes). This leads to increased anxiety, a pessimistic worldview, and self-loathing. At my very worst, I end up scrolling social feeds of famous people, which is a less than ideal practice for stimulating creative juices. 

Active content consumption means choosing thoughtful media and expanding our imaginations. Rather than grazing multiple outlets in a short amount of time, we can block out time to engage with compelling and moving content. In turn, we can feel inspired and motivated to create something equally engaging. 

4. Practice boundaries.

News content keeps us informed about current affairs. I believe consuming and engaging with this kind of content is our civic duty. But balance and boundaries are equally important. We can choose our news content wisely and, when possible, in sound-bite form. Moreover, instead of grazing, we can learn and engage. 

The Daily, theSkimm, and The Globalist are a few of my favorite sources for this kind of content.

5. Celebrate others, but protect your ego.

When I read all those memoirs during my first semester at school, it only took about a dozen or so books before I began feeling like my story was insignificant. What could I possibly say or contribute to the conversation? How could I live up to these authors?

Sometimes, when we spend too much time focused on content created by others, we can lose confidence in our creative abilities. This isn’t to say we shouldn’t celebrate and champion everyone else in their endeavors—but we do need to protect our voices and recognize when we’re falling into unhealthy comparison patterns. 

6. Delete, delete, delete.

I’m no stranger to procrastination and creative blocks. Especially when working towards self-set deadlines, as is often typical for creative projects, it can be challenging to stay motivated. 

Sometimes creative blocks are a result of content clutter. When my phone is maxed out on podcast episodes and I have 10+ books stacked on my nightstand, I feel bogged down. My DVR and email inbox are usually at capacity as well, as I’ve made a mental note to catch up on weekly e-newsletters and intriguing documentaries for multiple weeks in a row. 

When this happens, I rely on the delete button. I re-shelve nine books and clear my DVR. I create physical and mental space for creativity to work its magic. While a content-clean-up doesn’t always cure my creative block, it’s helped on more than a few occasions. 

7. Practice mindfulness. 

Recently, I started a new morning practice. First thing after waking up, I sit on my couch with a cup of coffee, close my eyes, and take five deep breaths. Then I make a mental list of all the things I am grateful for at that moment (waking up, health and safety, warmth), and then I say a prayer. I finish the practice by reminding myself that I am a creator and creative powers live inside me. Then I go to my desk and write. Sometimes I write for 20 minutes, sometimes it’s an hour. And you know what? This simple, minimal-effort practice is helping me. I’ve noticed my confidence has improved and my writing sessions are more productive.

Learn more about developing a mindfulness practice in these books for beginners. 

8. Create like a child.

Lastly, content and creativity should be fun. Too often, we take our lives and our art so seriously. That’s why I’m trying to sprinkle in more playful content that inspires childlike wonder. May we create for fun and have fun creating. 

In the wise words of Elizabeth Gilbert:

“Creativity is sacred, and it is not sacred. What we make matters enormously, and it doesn’t matter at all. We toil alone, and we are accompanied by spirits. We are terrified, and we are brave. Art is a crushing chore and a wonderful privilege. Only when we are at our most playful can divinity finally get serious with us. 

Make space for all these paradoxes to be equally true inside your soul, and I promise—you can make anything.”